Starting to Fade
So, the great feeling of rejuvenation that I unabashedly revealed to everyone during the first two weeks of school has slowly been replaced with a dull fatigue that I think may be developing into depression. I have no time. Zero. And I'm not even doing anything particularly difficult (in comparison to other MTCers... I don't want to imply that teaching in general isn't single-handedly the hardest experience of my life) -- no extracurricular activities, only 2.5 preps, very few "great" lessons. My time is spent grading, lesson planning, and calling parents. And I'm still being bitten in the ass. I received a letter from a parent who failed my class first term and barely passed second term. She wants me to explain why he has only marginally improved, show documentation of my contacts with her about his grades or behavior (of which I can only find 2 of 3 contacts, both of which are at the beginning and end of the semester), documentation of my plan to help him learn the material, and a few other things. I'm not sure I have all of these. At least not like I'm supposed to. But it's not necessarily for a lack of trying. It's because when I come home, in order to cover myself for all the behavioral/grade problems I'm dealing with, it would take approximately an hour per night to continually inform all the parents. I've made over 100 calls the last semester. And it still wasn't good enough. I was chewed out the other night because I just told a parent that her daughter failed first semester and will have to make an 85 or higher the rest of the year to pass. To reiterate, I have no time. My lessons are suffering because I'm trying to cover myself on this. I can't create good assessments. To top it all of, I haven't done anything extracurricular. I hope jazz band starts in the next couple of weeks, but I'm not sure how many days a week I can commit to that. I'm already nervous that I will have to take time away from the other things I need to be doing to be an adequate (not good) teacher. My sympathies go out to any of you who are trying to carry on a relationship with a significant other or read a novel for fun or take up basket weaving, because to me it doesn't seem possible. I keep hearing these people tell me to work smarter, not harder, but I feel like I'm limited in what I can do in that sense. The more I work, the more I realize I could be doing to be a better teacher and it's an overwhelming realization. I need a break. Dear God I need a break. But I can't think of a day that I can miss where my students won't fall almost hopelessly behind in something they need to do. Oh well. I guess I'll keep on keepin' on.