Last Impressions (Self-Selected July: II)

So training is officially over and we're now left to fend for ourselves until we reconvene in about a month. Am I scared? Damn straight. I think I've subconsciously been avoiding having to confront the reality of my situation. I feel I'm prepared. And I'm confident in my abilities. But I keep having reocurring dreams where I completely lose control in the classroom. I'm afraid I'm going to somehow forgot the wealth of knowledge I've accumulated in the last two moments and do the wrong thing (like give empty threats instead of two choices -- something which actually happened in my dream). I think the nervousness will start to subside once I started getting really organized and planning out the year and see my room and composing lesson plans. But until then...... I think everyone else will be okay, for the most part. I have my ideas about some people, but we'll see. The place I'm stealing internet from is closing, so I've gotta make this quick. We got power and water today (hoorah!). Hopefully internet's coming in the next few days so the blogs won't be on such a long hiatus.

My School (Self-Selected July: I)

So whenever I tell people who know anything about the school systems in Jackson that I'm teaching 11th and 12th grade English at Lanier High School, I get one of two reactions: 1) The "That's The Worst School In The History Of The World" Speech or 2) The "You Look So Young You're Kids Are Going To Have No Respect For Your" Speech. Apparently my school is in a not-so-good area.... there have been some shootings in the "Lanier High School" area lately. When I approached a fellow 1st year who knows about Jackson to get opinion, her words were something along the lines of "That's not out of the ordinary. When that stuff starts coming into the school itself, then you should be worried." At first, I was a little shocked. And scared. But the more I thought about it, I realized that there's no security anywhere. The kids at Columbine and Pearl River probably never felt scared or nervous going into their schools or the school's neighborhood (at least not because of the possibility of gunfire), but that didn't stop those events from occuring. And I've been in places like the Lanier area when I wasl in Birmingham several times, at night nonetheless, and not really been bothered. I think part of my anxiety was created by all these people who respond with the first of my previously mentioned responses. The latest was when I was actually in JPS getting a photo ID. The only white employee I'd seen the entire day asked me how old I was. When I told her, she replied, "You're going to get eaten alive." She then proceeded to inform me that Lanier was "99.9% black." But she whispered "black" as if it was a secret (one thing that's really been bothering me lately that I've noticed a lot from white people of all classes) and as if I had no idea what my school was like. She then progressed into how "all of JPS is black anyways," like there was no redeemable quality in any of the schools. My roomate, whose teaching at a middle school, was told by her that he's going to "the good school" because he may have "5 white kids." Perhaps the most amazing part of this encounter was that this was an employee in JPS. How can you work for the system that you think is inherently inferior? Why would you work there if you were prejudiced, choosing to surround yourself with black coworkers all day long? I just couldn't fathom it. I'm from the South and have seen blatant racism and prejudice firsthand, but I don't understand why someone that had those beliefs would willingly choose to be a part of the system they distrusted and condescended to. It made me mad that she was taking someone else's job who potentially wasn't jaded and had a lot of faith in the system. I assume her position is not unlike teachers I will meet in my school.

Video Review: Part Deux

So now that I've watched myself again 3 weeks after I last taught, I'm somewhat disappointed. Well, to be fair, this was the very first lesson I taught of the week, and it was probably the least interesting of the 5 I taught that week, but still........ a little bit of a let down. I didn't realize how "lecture-like" I am. I think the biggest problem for me is assuming "Hey, because this stuff really interests me it will interest my kids too." This is way off because basically I'm a huge dork. I like reading literature. Almost all literature. Even literature that many people find boring. I remember a certain English MTC "vet" telling the rest of us English teachers not to teach something that the kids can't relate to. His specific examlpe was Robert Frost's "Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening" because, according to him, "these kids have never seen snow before and they won't care." It was an excellent point, but I could't help chuckling to myself because I had taught that exact poem in Summer School thinking the kids would really appreciate the images and the message. And I think they did, but it took a large amount of effort on my point to "sell" them poem and to get them to appreciate it. All of this is a long way of saying I need to find more inductive ways of teaching. At least my sets should be more student-learning centered instead of me just telling them a concept and then giving funny examples and then pointing it out in a text that I think is "interesting." I think one of my strongest assets (as confirmed by this video) is that I honestly listen to what kids say, even if they're joking around or stay something off topic, and try to turn that into something valuable and worthwhile or, at the very least, important. By that, I mean I try to make them feel that they can say anything to me. If it's inappropriate or purposely off-topic I'll reprimand them, but at least they know I'm listening and in most cases genuinely want to hear what they think. But I've been falling into the trap of believing that this was "good enough" and in some places replaced my fun, engaging activities which I wasn't really doing. Also, after spending a week with teachers who had amazing sets for almost every lesson, I really began to feel guilty. Overall though, I feel like if I could liven up and use some techniques that get kids curious and inquisitive and excited at the beginning of the lesson, then the rest of my lesson (lecture/activity/notes/etc.) would be a lot more worthwhile for them.

Video Review

So in watching my video, I wasn't that surprised, as seems to be the standard among the other teachers. Yes there were things that were noticed, such as my obnoxiously monotonous voice, my unquestionably off-colored belt and shoes, and the random kids pantomiming behind my back. But overall, I feel like my personal evaluation of myself sans video was pretty accurate. Good things: My methodical manner. I am very deliberate in lots of aspects of my presentation, including my voice, my walk, and my questioning. I feel like I gave the kids ample time to respond or to absorb. Bad things: Lack of accountability among all the students. And this is something I've been struggling with for a while, but the problem was magnified once I saw it on camera. I need to find a way to get all the kids involved in the lesson. I am definately going to have a class participation grade in the fall, something which my classroom did not incorporate this summer. But I still am responsible for planning lessons where kids can't get away with giving the obligatory "I don't know" answer to my questions when they obviously weren't paying attention in the first place. Also, I feel like all my lessons were the same format. I need some variety -- something which I'm currently working on as I finish up Day 1 of my 5-day STAI plans. Overall, this is a good strategy, but I think it wasn't as affective as it could have been because I was already painfully aware of my own shortcomings. Hopefully, next time I do this I will have addressed these and the problems I find will be more revealing.