End of Semester Reflections

I came into this school year too naive, too proud, and too stubborn to listen to what other, older, wiser teachers tried to tell me. I tried to be the kids' friend. I admit it. I was stressed and anxious, and I wanted them to like me. I try to be funny. And I am. I know how to turn on the charm. But I know it gets me in trouble lots of time. I never really established the classroom as an environment where learning was serious and took priority over everything else. I mean, we learned. And we were serious. But the learning was always interspersed (and I thought amplified) by my sense of humor. I think that's an asset for me, but at times I turn it into a detriment. I still do it too. When things aren't going well (not behaviorally, but when kids are becoming bored), I rely on something funny to try and break the ice, and I think that unconsciously the kids see me as their older, whiter brother sometimes instead of their teacher.

I get so frustrated because I care so much. R.G., whom I blogged about earlier and whom I took to Ole Miss, got suspended again today. And won't be there Monday. He has so much potential. He's so smart, so funny, so likeable. He just has too much pride. As I told him, he needs to learn to brush the haters off, and stop trying to defend every trivial insult. I'm so unhappy sometimes because I care. Because I want to do what I need to do to become the better teacher. But I know that's going to require a lot more of a commitment on my part.

At some point, it's on the kids. I can offer after school tutorial, make up work, extra credit, tap you every time you go to sleep, show movies and play audio in addition to reading the text, call home, and talk to you individually. But at some point, the onus comes off of me and is placed squarely on your shoulders. I know it probably sounds like I'm making excuses, but I get so damn sick and tired of spoon-feeding kids the bare minimum required to pass. And I'm pissed that I let the 8 percent I'm referring to affect my entire outlook.

I can't wait for Jazz Band. I know when I get involved in extracurricular activities, it's going to be even more stressful because I'll have less time and more responsibility, but I crave more one on one time with these kids without the accountability of teaching them something. I know I've already lost some chops because I haven't touched the saxophone in 5 months, but I still think I can show enough to impress them.

I'll leave with this final thought. I was speaking to a teacher the other day who extended an analogy our principal always makes. He loves to compare our institution to a football team, claiming that championships aren't won during the playoff games, but during the two-a-day practices in the 100 degree August heat. Well my colleague modified the analogy, claiming that we're being asked to field a team, most of whom don't like football, some of whom don't show up to practice for various reasons, and the majority that are metaphorically playing on crutches. I think that's what makes it so rewarding and so remarkable. Sure, you fumble a lot, your center steps on the quarterback's feet, and your wide receivers run the wrong route. But occasionally, the line blocks well, the hand off is clean, and your running back stretches the few extra inches for the first down. That's when it's amazing to be doing the things I'm doing.